Zachs Fight with mac n cheese

So being the fun mom that I am. I gave Zach his lunch today and let him just eat it. Well you say that sounds normal right. Well I gave him Mac n cheese. Its not one that he usually eats himself. The pic explains the rest.

Ohh my!!

Fun milestones.

I got some cute pics of the kids and a video of Zach’s new trick. Its so much fun watching him do the fun things i never thought he would do. He is such a fun kid to watch. He loves to play peek-a-boo and he is using the signs he knows all the time. He is such a smarty pants!! I hope you enjoy these pics as much as I do!

Gross!

So its 4am monday morning do you know where your children are? I do! One is sleeping peacefully like he should be and one is watching TV on the floor with a bowl and a towel next to her. BLAH!

Emily woke up yesterday throwing up. She spent most of the morning doing that. After a long nap she acted just fine. Then at 3 this morning we started the process all over again. Not how I wanted to spend my Monday but thats okay. This is a life of a mom huh! Its funny that before I had kids the sound of someone throwing up would make me do it too. Now it takes A LOT of that to make me gag. Ohh well. Its only suppose to last about 24 hours. If thats true then we only have 2 to go! YAY.

Other than that, things are okay for us right now. Zach is mostly back to normal. He still is whiny. But thats to be expected. Now that i have experienced the things i have with him. I have a firmer faith in myself that when the next seizure happens I will know how to handle it. Its not going to be any less scary to watch, BUT I will know what to ask for and what to expect. Its been a long road but i am okay with things now. I still hate seizures. I still hate to watch them and When they happen again I will still vent about how much I hate them. It will just be a sentence rather than a whole post. I do have an appointment set up with Dr. Lloyd for a neuro consult. He has been Zach’s Neuro from the begining. Its fun to see how many people love him as much as i Do. He IS an amazing Dr.

Anyway, I need to go make sure Em is okay. She keeps telling me that she has a huge problem up there. I better go figure out what it is. Its not to bad because i can hear everything she is doing. Wish me Luck!

Stop and think before you type!

** If you don’t like the things I say on MY blog then you DON’T have to READ** Thank you!

I know people mean well. I know they are only trying to help! The last month has been seriously hard for me. NO ONE understands this because they are not me. From the moment that I had Zach, I NEVER said whoa is me, why me or why Zach. I have ALWAYS been able to see his disabilities as a blessing. I know that having him in our family is the most amazing blessing I could ask for. I have ALWAYS put both of my kids first in everything that I do. I have always been the kind of Mom that would put her depression and anxiety on the back burner until I was alone, ALL BY MYSELF, not like the kids in the other room kind of thing. Like everyone is gone and i am the only one in the house kind of thing. I know that my kids did not ask for a mom that is distant or depressed. Its not their fault at all. They shouldn’t suffer because of me. I KNOW THIS! For most of Zach’s life he has had one thing after another hit him. The difference in this time as apposed to the other times is the same DAMN thing keeps happening and NO ONE is trying to fix the problem. People look at me like I did something to hurt him. Why would i do that?? If you ask anyone in my world that REALLY knows anything about me and my everyday life they would tell you that my kids are my world. They come first. Chad comes first. My family and friends come first. Then me.

Anyone that has a child with Special needs knows that for the rest of their life you go through a pattern that closely resembles the process of grieving. If you didn’t know this go HERE and read about it. It might help to explain why I feel the way I do. I am not throwing myself a pity party. Not at all. I just wish people could have seen what me and mom did yesterday. Watching my son fight for his life and basically stop breathing. Having NO control and having NO ONE want to listen to me. I KNOW what is needed for Zach. I do… Not the Dr. that has only seen him one time. Having to go through 3-4 days or more of crying and sadness. Having to hold him because he won’t stop crying. Wishing that just one time he could talk and tell me what is wrong. He doesn’t have to talk any other time. Crying with him because he just can’t get his brain to shut off. He CAN’T calm down. Nothing working. Having a Daughter that things you love your son more than her at the age  of 3. Mommy leaves me so much and stays with Zach. So not only do I have a crying Zach but an upset Emily that doesn’t want anything to do with me. Ohh and throw in a husband that doesn’t know how to deal with stress so he is snappy with the world. You take a step in my shoes. Walk the path that I do before you point fingers.

Talk to me in a week. Things will be drastically different. It takes about that long for things to go back to normal.

Thats it, I’m DONE!

I HATE SEIZURES!! I hate them! I hate them! I hate them!!!

Every time this happens a little bit of my heart is ripped out and stomped on.

I am having a really hard time climbing out of the pit these days. This isn’t helping matters!

Thank goodness my mother was with me. I am really glad she was there to keep me calm.

He started Seizing in the car. We were about a mile away from Primary Childrens. They got us right back.  We got it stopped quicker than any other time before. They let us take him home. So thankfully we will be sleeping in our own beds tonight. What a DAY! No more PLEASE! Someone bring me dinner! Its so hard to be “normal” when i am so worried. I hate this!!!

Another day.

Its been an okay couple of days. I have been pretty distant from Chad and the Kids lately. He told me yesterday that I have not been around a whole lot. I am not sure why. I have found myself hanging out in my bedroom just watching TV by myself.  Saturday we spent the morning working on the back yard. Every time i think about it it makes me have anxiety. There is just SOO much to do with it. I have never had to take care of a yard so I have no idea what to do. The people that lived here before didn’t take care of it at all. The mowed the Lawn and thats about it. Chads parents and our neighbor came over to help. It was kinda fun just working in the yard. We got have the back done and hauled away. We cut down a lot of trees.  They were kind of sprouting randomly around the yard. It looks tons better now. We still have some work but it shouldn’t be as  bad.

We spent some time with my brothers and sisters on Saturday. We have an adult dinner 2 times a year with them. It was SOO much fun. I love the relationship i have with them. Its so neat that we get along so well with each other. They have always been so supportive. We know we can go to them first when we need something. I love having them so close to us. My younger sister is one of my best friends. Our kids are best friends too. Its fun to see how well they get along when they are not tired. I am proud of the kinds of relationships I have with my family. We are so close and I love that I can call my brothers when i need a blessing or just some advice. My poor brother probably knows more about me than he wants to know. His wife too. They have been such a blessing for me. My kids love Kerri and Scott.

On Sunday we got to go help my Grandma celebrate her 86th birthday. She is such an example of power and strength. She is the coolest grandma ever. Its getting harder for her to do the things she needs to but she is a trooper. We had all the aunts and uncles there to help celebrate.  Its fun to around my cousins. At one time we hung out all the time. We have kind of grown apart as we got older. I miss hanging out with them. I miss the funny things we had in common. Going to Chilis with Jon, Lari, Rachel, Alesha and Meesa. What a fun time what was.  I just love my family i guess thats what this post has turned into. I kind of went off there didn’t I? Sorry about that.

Anyway just a reminder the Fundraiser started Yesterday. If you can spare even $1 that would help. You don’t have to have the voucher to go get food the flyer will be just fine. If you want to just give money Call April Sidwell @ 801-825-1200 (this is the number to Fazolis). She is the Manager at the Fazolis in layton. She can help with what ever you need. Tell everyone you know about it. It would help us so much be able to make ends meet! Thank you so much for all your help and love and prayers. Its nice to know people care about us. If your new to the blog Welcome! I love visiters.

Some fun with finger paint!

Our WONDERFUL vision therapist brought the kids some finger paints to use. Emily was all about painting and singing and having a wonderful time. She would dip her Q-tip in the paint and say just one more dip mom. It was so much fun to watch. Zach on the other had didn’t want anything to do with actual painting he just wanted to play with the Q-tips. When we were done we had a HUGE mess to clean up. Most of the paint ended up in his tummy. Good thing it was non toxic!

Can you help?

All you need to do if you can help is print this post and take it to the Layton Fazoli’s. If you want to donate by phone call the number listed. THANKS!

Its good to be back.

Its good to be back. Chad and I were able to go attend the temple tonight. It was the best thing I could have done for myself. I cried hearing the promises that were made. I have a clearer picture of things now. It has been way to long and I am so glad that we worked so hard to make it back. I love the temple. I love the feeling of peace you get when you are there. Its nice to get away from the world.

This one is for Grandma Karen.

We love our Grandmas. Its fun to watch my kids grow up. Zach is doing so many fun things latley. I hope you enjoy watching our progress like we do!