Just me a MOM..

Preemie life and Depression through my eyes.

My freak out…

Posted by Jenn on May 3, 2007

Isn’t it amazing how your brain works? As Chad and I drove ourselves to LDS Hospital to see Chad’s cute new nephew, something funny happened. I started remembering how many times I had made that same trek up those same streets. Watching those same houses and apartments pass by. My brain started moving faster and faster. The more I thought about it the harder it became to breathe. For those who don’t know, Zach spent 99 days in the NICU at LDS Hospital. I spent more than 5 hours EVERY day at that hospital for that many days.

I found myself freaking out at the thought that we were going back up there to see him. He has been home well over a year and I thought I had come to terms with the experiences that I had while Zach lived there. I looked at Chad and said I am having a panic attack. I have not had one of those for months. As we walked through the halls of the hospital memories came flooding back. The father we got to my sister in laws room the better I felt. I started thinking about my Big Bubba and all the amazing things he has accomplished. To make things better we stopped by the NICU to talk to some of the nurses. I am amazed how many babies were there. How many parents are going through the same uncertainty that Chad and I did. I have the great opportunity to volunteer at the NICU starting in June. I wanted to help other parents that have gone through similar things I had. I asked about it 3 days before Zach went home. I wanted to do it then. I have been in contact with the Parent support supervisor and she has agreed to let me help. Not very many parents volunteer. I am happy that I had kept in contact with those wonderful nurses and Doctors so that I can help others understand what its like. Its all so scary and overwhelming at times.

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