Just me a MOM..

Preemie life and Depression through my eyes.

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Emilys vacation…

Posted by Jenn on May 31, 2007

Its been a good week. Well kind of. I made a choice that I have been fighting myself over all week. I am not sure why I did what I did, but part of me thinks it was an okay idea. I allowed Emily to spend almost 5 days at my fathers house in price. Many of you know that I don’t really have that great of a relationship with my father. It took me a good month to fully come to the decision to send her. We sent her on Sunday morning. We were suppose to go down on Tuesday to pick her up but we had a bunch of things come up and we couldn’t make it down. It has been good and bad. Its been nice to not have to wonder where she is and what she is getting in to. We got to sleep in and stay up later. That doesn’t change the fact that I miss her giggle, her little songs, her hugs and her kisses. I miss her looking in my eyes and saying “love me?”. Its been a fast week. I haven’t been able to talk to her on the phone she has been having way to much fun to talk to mommy. I have loved the alone time I have been having with Chad. Its been nice to have me time. I still miss my girl. She comes home tomorrow but that is not soon enough. I got to talk to her on the phone just now. She told me that she was in bed and she missed me. She told me goodbye and then told me she loved me. Then the tears started flowing. I have realized through all of this that I stuffed all my emotion inside and made myself think about other things. It wasn’t until someone would ask where she was or how I was holding up that I started to freak out. I guess your wondering why I had a hard time with the choice I made. When I was young I remember going to my fathers house and hating being there. I remember being put down a lot and hoping that the end of the trip was the next day. There were a lot of times my mother had to come and pick us up because things were just not good. I know that my father has changed a lot. Its still hard knowing that she is far away. Not just down the street. At the other end of the state. This was a learning experience for me for sure. I am pretty sure that she will be able to spend more time down there. I know she had a lot of fun. She loves my step mother and asks about her all the time. I know she was in good hands. Its just really different with out her here with us. I can’t wait to see her and love on her. Well friends this is my rant for the night. I am going to bed. I have a lot to do tomorrow.


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