Just me a MOM..

Preemie life and Depression through my eyes.

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Back on course.

Posted by Jenn on August 23, 2007

Over the last month I have started to fall back into old patterns. Its hard because I have really hated who I was 6months ago. I worked SOO hard to see myself differently and make the changes I felt I needed to make in myself. Because of circumstances that were out of my control, I had to stop some of the help I was getting. I thought I was going to be okay. I was going to work hard to keep my self floating and make things work. Lots of changes happened. Changes that should have been and were exactly what we needed. For some reason with those changes came sadness and anxiety. I do have to say that they were Not nearly as bad as they have been before. Im finally back getting that help I was getting. Its nice to hear that its normal for people to get off course once and a while. Now its up to me to decide how fast I am going to get myself back on. I have been giving the power to change myself. I have the tools to make this little deviation, a short one. Its an amazing feeling to have the empowerment in have. I have not had this before. Its nice to know that I can change it yet again.

I got this quote that I really like from Jean-Paul Sartre. He said “Life begins on the other side of despair.” I got this with the quote it says;
“From this it would appear that the process of working through pain and sadness actually provides the necessary motivation to move from the position of victim to victor. And that with out this foundation, we would never develop the essential insight and depth required to rise above where we’ve been. In essence, risks must be evaluated and taken, even thought the possibility of failure exists; rules must be made and followed, even though they don’t cover everything; plans must be developed and implemented , even though they have to be revised; and promises must be made and kept, even thought it may be difficult to do so. These basic building blocks, although imperfect and incomplete. Are the requirements for a new beginning. But they are only the beginning.”

Its amazing how simple things like this can be. Sometimes, however, fear can be a lot louder than Faith. I am sure that many of you know what I am talking about. I am excited about getting back on course. I have given myself enough time to be unmotivated. This is going to be a life long fight. I think that I am up to that fight. I hope to be able to see things like this…

Hopefully, I (we) will develop a comfortable level of certainty with My (our) future; But if not, eventually, I’ll (We’ll) discover that I (we) can live well, even with a certain amount of uncertainty.


One Response to “Back on course.”

  1. amyf4 said

    Good luck on it all! Life is a never ending battle and it is a big step that you are recognizing that you can get back on track.

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