Just me a MOM..

Preemie life and Depression through my eyes.

Keeping your cool.

Posted by Jenn on November 30, 2007

It’s been a crazy couple of weeks. Thanksgiving was so much fun. Like my sister said in her blog, my family ROCKS! I was laughing the whole time. It was fun to be with my brothers and sisters for 3 whole days and I had the best time. After we got home I some how hurt my back. I could not move or do anything for a week. It hurt before thanksgiving but nothing like Saturday night. It was so bad I went to the Dr. I didn’t remember hurting or moving wrong so it was just a pulled muscle. He gave me 3 meds to take. Loratab messes me up! I was so loopy. I was told that I could not do anything for 3- days. No lifting kids or doing house work. Just sleeping and sitting. Both of which were the most painful things to do. Chad thought it was so funny. He would ask me a question and it would take me a good 30 seconds to a minute to answer him back. I am glad he got some enjoyment out of me. I was supposed to start a new adventure last Monday but because I couldn’t drive or talk coherently I had to postpone it. I will talk more about that later.

Chad and I were having a conversation about what would happen if I went away. He told me that it would just be to hard and he would just give up. That very night is when the back thing started to get worse. He had to take over everything. I couldn’t even get the kids out of bed or change their bums. It was so hard to not be able to be the mom. I am proud to say that Chad did okay. He kept telling me how hard it was and asking me how I did it everyday. It was a nice wake up call for him.

I feel much better now. I have stopped taking the meds. It still kind of hurts when I turn or stretch but it’s much better and I have started back to being the mom.

I think Emily missed me not being able to do what I usually do. She is really pushing her limits with me this week. She had me in tears today. I am usually okay to stay calm and just deal with what she is doing. This week has been Hell! I was about to call my sister in law and say please come take her for an hour or two. I have not been that frustrated with her in so long.  I have still taken the time to self reflect these last few days. I know that I have a lot more to improve on. I think I find myself waiting for others to change before I fully take that leap of faith I know I need to take. So far it hasn’t been that bad. I love the feeling of peace that I carry with me. It helps in times like today when I feel so alone and defeated. I am proud that I kept my cool with Emily. Ultimately she lost lots of privileges but she is still the happy Emily I love.

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