Just me a MOM..

Preemie life and Depression through my eyes.

more time

Posted by Jenn on February 12, 2008

So things have kind of gone back to normal. Zach is doing so much better than he was before. I am so amazed how fast he got better. He is definitely a fighter. It was so hard watching him go through what he did. I don’t think that i have fully come to grips with what happened. I have stuffed it down so that I don’t have to cry and have those scary images in my head. Ones where he is dying and we don’t know. Driving to the hospital I was holding Chad’s hand and shaking. He asked me what was going on. I told him that i could not get out of my head this senerio of us walking into the PICU and having the Doctor come up to us and say…He crashed on the way here and we did all we could do.  Ohh my. What a thought. I am glad that it didn’t go that way.  He surprised all the Dr’s. There has been a few lasting effects of the seizure but they said that most likely they should fix them selves with time. I sit back and watch him now. Thankful for every little thing he has accomplished in his life. Every thing that he wasn’t suppose to do but is. Isn’t it amazing how much joy he brings into your life? Just looking at him makes you a stronger person. He was so calm in the hospital. Every nurse and Dr. We talked to commented on how fun loving and calm he was. All of them told us that they didn’t want him to leave. We even had a few that spent their free time just playing with him. I am starting at a picture of him as i type and I am just drawn to his eyes. They show so much strength and determination. What an amazing gift the Lord has given me and Chad. I have decided that i need to just be a Mom. I need to not worry about all the other stuff out there and just love my kids. No more working or freaking out about stupid things. Clean my house and take care of my kids. They need me more than my bills do. I know i am going to get some backlash from some people. There are some things in the future that can happen if i am not working. I have prayed about this and stressed out about it. I have talked to a million people. Chad and I have felt the same way about this. I just want to be a mom that is not tired all the time, One that can make it to the 15 million appointments and be awake and alert and participate. There is more that is going to happen that just me quiting. I don’t feel like its necessary to go into to too much detail just yet. All I ask is that you pray for our family. Don’t tell me how what i am doing is going to make things worse for me. Just for once trust that Chad and I are doing what the Lord wants. This is not easy. I would rather work to make sure that our family can make ends meet. But I have been told that the most scary choices are usually the right ones.

Thanks to all of you that took time out of your lives to Pray for my little man. I know that they helped. To all of you that got that 3:30am Text. I am sorry for waking you all up so early. I am truly blessed.

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2 Responses to “more time”

  1. kittenkat10 said

    He is a fighter. I am glad he is doing ok!

  2. liz said

    good for you that is a wonderful choice.

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